![There have been 844 domestic-related reports made to the Royal Cayman Islands Police Service (RCIPS) so far this year.]()
There have been 844 domestic-related reports made to the Royal Cayman Islands Police Service (RCIPS) so far this year.
Part one
Lavonida Edwards
In an ongoing series on domestic abuse in the Cayman Islands, The Cayman Reporter will tell the stories of abuse survivors. In order to protect their privacy, the victims’ names will not be revealed. Instead we will use the pseudonym Jane Doe to refer to them as they share their stories with us, in their own words.
According to the Cayman Islands Crisis Centre (CICC) they have received 316 crisis line calls during 2015 and 105 clients seeking shelter. The Royal Cayman Islands Police has had 844 domestic-related incident reports come to them.
As noted by the professionals at the CICC, there is more to domestic abuse than the physical. There is also emotional abuse and verbal abuse, both of which can have the same long-term damage to the psyche, as if someone threw you against a wall, or smacked you in public.
There is a commonly held perception that domestic abuse only happens to people the lower end of the pay scale. However, as Jane Doe 1 tells us, victims and abusers can be found at all socio economic levels.
Jane Doe 1 holds an executive position and makes approximately CI$60,000 annually, combined with her spouse the household income was over $120,000 per year.
The story of Jane Doe 1
“The emotional, verbal and physical abuse started within three to four years of the marriage. I was told that I was good for nothing, that I was of no use, and was a stumbling block in his way.”
“We were having a disagreement one day and he became violent, he dragged me by my blouse from the car, in front of his friend and punched me in my mouth. His friend stood aside and shouted at him to stop. I went to the police station but failed to press charges as the law had just been put in place that you could receive up to 10 years for assault, I was afraid that he would be made an example of.”
“Over the years the verbal abuse became increasingly worse, he would say things like, ‘Why are you like that? You know that’s why your family don’t want nothing to do with you, that’s why they stay away from you, you too sickening.’ And, ‘Why you don’t try do something about that belly?’”
“He embarrassed me in public, shouting after me, and even in front of our employees. The employees would tell me not to pay him any mind, and they would be upset, but afraid to speak.”
“One day we were in the hardware and he was ogling a young lady, I whispered to him that I’d had enough of that, and he punched me straight in my mouth. A young man who was helping someone else shouted “No, you can’t do that!’”
“Over the years the continued degradation was so hurtful, telling me I was good for nothing, of no use, if I didn’t do exactly as he wanted.”
“During the Christmas holidays of 2014 he looked at me and said, ‘Sometimes I feel like I could take a piece of board and beat you to death.’ I was so shocked because in all the years, yes he hit me, couple of times, but for him to be thinking that way, knowing that now we were baptized children of God, I was stunned. I looked at him and said, ‘And you say that I’m a demon, but you need to have a serious conversation with God.’”
“All the telltale signs of cheating were there and I refused to really believe that after all the years, and all that we had been through, and we are baptized, children of God, and all the help that I had been, this was what he would choose to do now.”
“He told me on two other occasions that he felt like he could beat me to death. I said to my self that its time to leave as he might just one day in anger do it. He was also unable to account for CI$5000, and had many excuses as to why it was missing, none of which added up, even with allotting for $500 per week for lunch money.”
“As I suspected he was cheating, I found a secret phone in his vehicle that he got or purchased and was using it to talk to two women. The first time I glimpsed the phone he said his friend had left it in his vehicle.”
“I told him that I knew it was not his friend’s phone. I asked him the following day if he had given back the phone to his friend and he said yes. However a month later I found the phone and confronted him with it, his excuse was that he had stopped using the phone by the time I found it and that he didn’t sleep with them.”
“How could I believe this when the text messages suggested otherwise, as in calls to her at 1am in the morning of Valentine’s Day, with professions of Valentine greetings, she asking him for more of them and so on. Him coming home after 1am, 2am or minutes to 3 in the morning. I wanted to talk about this but he wanted to sweep it under the carpet and continue with our life as if nothing had went wrong.”
“One night we both came in from work at the same time and I wanted to talk. This was far from his mind.”
“I told him that this was not going away and we had to talk about it. He made two strides and started to choke me. I just stood there and he squeezed harder. I was in disbelief. He was wrong, he says he is a Christian, he talks to people all the time about God, yet he was willing to kill me rather than talk about what happened.”
“There was a calmness about me that, I just stood there and said ‘Why are you using physical violence against me?’ He let me go and said ‘Just leave me alone, if you know what’s good for you.’ I replied, ‘Choking me will not change what you did, and this will not go away.’”
“As the weeks went on, the verbal assaults continued to escalate. He would say things like, ‘You sick my stomach, move from in front me. Why are you call, calling me, you need to get a life.’ I retorted, ‘My life is supposed to be with my husband.’”
“On one occasion when I asked what happened, why he hated me and what happened over the years to the marriage and the romance, his response was ‘Go find a man to romance you.’”
“It was so hard, I just wanted it to stop. One day he was calling me a piece of [expletive] and telling me I sick his stomach, and it was now the third occasion that he told me that he felt like taking a piece of board and beating me to death. I got on my knees and bowed down before him, held on to his ankles and begged him to please stop. With a sneer on his face he looked down at me and said ‘Get up.’”
“In all of this, I kept telling him to please if you have found someone else and don’t want me anymore, please feel free to leave, as you’re just terrorizing me.”
“Two pastors that I approached were no help. One told me that my husband was not a member of his church so there was nothing he could do. The other told me it was the enemy to keep praying. He finally did try counseling, however that did not work, as once we left there and got home he would quarrel with me for taking him to the pastor, so I gave up.”
“I felt so hopeless, I felt trapped in a situation that I couldn’t come out, how would it look as children of God, how would my family and my church family think if I leave, how could I start over, who would want me. I felt so ugly and hated my life and myself.”
“It got to the point when I felt like the only way out, was committing suicide, as I kept praying for help and it seemed like there was nothing happening. I went to counseling for myself, but he wouldn’t go so nothing had changed.”
“He did not know as I had not told him yet that I was pregnant, and after church one Sunday of 2015 we went to eat, and on the way home he had an attitude when I asked for us to go walk on the beach, and he started to berate me. I just started to cry, feeling like I could just run the car off the road and kill both of us.”
“When I said that I felt imprisoned and like I could commit suicide, it only made him shout more. He said ‘You’re a loser, you a big loser, its only losers think like that.’”
“Being so distraught I went home, and when he got out of the vehicle I drove off. I didn’t know where I was going or what to do so I just drove. A church sister called and when I answered I just told her I couldn’t take it anymore, and started screaming. I couldn’t stop. She was crying and shouting and asking where I was. I finally stopped at Spotts dock and was there for a while, until I calmed down.”
“Later that afternoon I started with cramping, and when I got up off the bed, it was soaked. I had a miscarriage! I knew that if I was going to survive I would have to leave. I mustered the strength and started looking for an apartment, and I moved out in the summer.”
“There is so much more to this story but you wouldn’t have the time and the space, for it all. I never pretend to be perfect, and have my faults, but I always put him first through the years, loved him more than myself, and at times even put him before God. I hid it well. Its only my family, three friends and the pastors that I went to who know some of the full story.”
“What I can say to those going through this is, ‘I survived, so can you. You are beautiful, you are worthy and the reason they abuse you is because they feel inferior within themselves, and it’s the only way they can control you.’”
“You are a survivor, you have made it this far. You can make it all the way, you will get out, just hold strong. I know it seems hopeless now, but you can make it, and you will make it. Do not keep silent though, you have to tell someone. To those whose husband finds someone else, it’s not the end of the world, it’s just your new beginning. You can make it.”
Anyone dealing with abuse can contact the Cayman Islands Crisis Centre for help at 949-0366 or on the 24-hour Crisis Line at 943-CICC (2422)
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